dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
