Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
