He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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