I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
