we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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