So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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