I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
