Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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