My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
