need another drink. this is the easiest way
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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