god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
