If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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