I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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