found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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