Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
