no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i've created a new STD.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
