Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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