im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
