Jerry, you need to find god
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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