idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
