operation harelip BJ is a go
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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