i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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