That's when you crack a 10am beer
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
