WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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