So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
