Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize