My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
