he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
