your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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