awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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