I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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