Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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