It's Friday. Sex?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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