lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
