I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
