god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
