Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
