i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
where am i from again
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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