And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I forget how to act sober
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
