My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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