physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
