If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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