Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
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If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
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you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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