Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
