I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize