they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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