A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
