I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
