...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
