So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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