i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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