Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
