YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize