I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
