Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
