I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
