Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
