And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
