my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Randomize
