i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Randomize
