I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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