Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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