people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
