Where are you?
In a non slutty way
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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