Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
