somebody snuck up and got me drunk
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
