my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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