she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I will be naked everywhere
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
