He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
