Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
