I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
