Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
