Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
