he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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