last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
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He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
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Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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