life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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