I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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