Sry I called you an 8
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
